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kurofai2015-06-21 11:18 pm
notpotable) wrote in kurofai2015-06-21 11:18 pm
Entry tags:
(Team Fantasy) [Nightlife] Patterns (NOW FINISHED)
Title: Patterns
Prompt: Nightlife
Rating: T
Warnings: Violence; Gore; some body horror; Major Character Death (sort of?), Canon Character Death
Notes: (Somebody might be dead but they're still around; not a zombie fic, posting chapter one just to get it up there before deadline, should have it up fully shortly)
I started this two and a half days ago, after realizing that I'd written 9k words for my original idea and probably needed another 15k words to wrap it all up. No way that would happen in time. So I latched onto a far shorter idea and managed to grind the majority of it out in time.
Thanks for reading. :x
NOW COMPLETE
(Read on AO3: Patterns)
Thank you for reading! How did I do?
Please score my fic according to these guidelines:
1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? (1-10)
2. How well written was the fic? (1-10)
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
Please remember that you must provide some form of identification, either by logging into dreamwidth, or by providing a link to a blog or profile on another site, for your vote to be counted!
no subject
When I think about nightlife in general, my mind flows to inns, travels maybe, but I couldn't think at all about a fucking ghost. It's such an original idea and perfect for the prompt, it's obvius that a ghost must have a nightlife, no? <3
2. How well written was the fic? 9/10
With no mistakes at all, your style is simple but quite enjoyable in my opinion. Your fic flows smooth and "funny" ( expecially with the dialogue about the chair and the wall. God, THAT was funny man! ), i really like it.
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9/10
I was really sad when I discovered that this is not the complete fic. Really, I enjoyed it so much and I'm so curious about the thing into Fay's eye and what's happened with Yuui ASDFGHJKL and, as I said before, the dialogues between Fay and Kuro-ghost were... amazing, I love how you painted Kurogane, he was such a cute dork nnnh-
no subject
I will have the rest up either tonight or at the latest tomorrow (I desperately needed sleep, ahaha...), so do feel free to edit your vote if the rest of my writing ends up gravely disappointing you once it's up! ('gravely', haha, get it??)
no subject
I loved the creative interpretation! I was totally expecting something along the lines of a red light district or travel or something, but a ghost is such a clever idea!
2) 9/10
Incredibly well written, the descriptions are great and I feel you really have an understanding of Kurogane and Fai.
3) 910
I loved it! I cannot wait to read the rest of it!
no subject
Chapter three is up now! I'll have it complete tonight or tomorrow so long as I can keep from blushing too hard to see the keyboard. :x
no subject
It was a very creative and different way to approach the prompt!
How well written was the fic? 9/10
What I liked best was how you capture the characters' emotions. I felt it really came across to the reader, and it turned out quite a moving and touching story (I even almost cried at one point or another!)
How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9/10
I loved all of the sweet scenes you managed to include. The walks through the castle, Kurogane taking care of Fai when he was dealing with the backlash, Kurogane taking Fai star-gazing, WHEN KUROGANE TOUCHES THE GAME PIECE (such a poignant, well-written moment), THE DANCE AT THE BALL (I got so emotional during that part... it was both incredibly sweet but so sad too and... good job writing it!). And of course, that last scene was just a punch in the guts.
I can't wait for the final chapter!
no subject
Final chapter just posted for your enjoyment, and, oh geez, I really hope you do still enjoy it.
Thank you again!!
no subject
1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? 10/10
YES. YES. A++ INTERPRETATION OF THE PROMPT, YOU CLEVER PERSON YOU. Oh, I'm so thrilled you took this path with the prompt. It's brilliant and lovely and also TERRIBLY SAD, oh my god. How dare you. I was so upset when Kurogane relived (redied?) his final moments and faded into nothing. I am, of course, excited for the next chapter, and fascinated to see how you're going to finish it.
2. How well written was the fic? 8/10
The moment where Fai created a maze to amplify what little magic he could spare, just to let Kurogane touch the gamepieces was perfect. Your writing is lovely, and very emotive. Your words are simple, but they don't detract from the story because of that cleanness, and the only thing I would have liked to see is a little more development of Fai's life in the castle- but then, considering he is mostly nocturnal by now, I'm not surprised castle life is quiet at night. Also, can I just say, the idea of Fai having something in the hollow of the eye he lost is just... chilling. Brr.
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9/10
This is such a unique, fantastical take on the prompt, oh my gosh. I'm so excited to see where this goes- and yet so sad at the same time. I can't see there being a happy ending, because Kurogane needs to move on, but I still hope for one. Oh, my heart. Thank you so much for joining in the Olympics this year, and thank you for writing this!
no subject
Last chapter is up, I hope it still feels worthwhile with the way I went with it. (After being emotionally devastated by fsking Hikaru no Go, I couldn't let myself end this one in tears, so... :x Here's hoping!)
Either way, ah, thank you so much. Let me know if your thoughts change significantly after that last chapter, every bit of crit should help me improve for the next time I try a fic. :x
no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-06-29 02:19 pm (UTC)(link)Loved this interpretation of "nightlife" - totally not what I expected. I loved how you've restricted Kuro and Fai's reactions to night, due to Kurogane's appearances at night. Is that because he died at night? Taking a couple points off because I'd like to see how the whole night thing has an impact on the story, instead of it only being the time Kurogane and Fai meet.
2. How well written was the fic? 8/10
I can't say for sure since the last chapter isn't up yet - lots of loose ends to tie up. I did love the descriptions and all the nods to canon, however! Writing style is very easy to follow.
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9.5/10
Very much. You had me hooked from this sentence: "Fai knew perfectly well that he was being sent there to get him out of the way. He was an embarrassment to the College, which made him an Official Embarrassment to the Crown, and best kept out of sight."
I've read a few of the olympics entries so far, but this was the first that made me grin wide. I love the thought of Fai thinking of himself as an "Official Embarrassment" - dark, self-deprecating humor. (Would have liked to see more of it through the story)
Loved loved loved Fai's interactions with Kurogane, especially Kurogane demanding that he have access to his rooms through the doors, and the maze! Omg. I loved how Fai used runes as a way to circumvent his lack of magic. Both times he fell sick (the parasite sounds awfully scary) but I loved that Kurogane was around to help him through it.
And the ball! omg I loved how Kurogane lost touch with reality there and asked Fai to dance! and then things went wrong (loved watching Sakura's horror)... Will we see Kurogane again? How will he and Fai achieve a happy ending? Will he find out about Fai's parasite? What is it that holds him to this world? Will his usual clothes change if he acknowledges his attraction towards Fai? What does Fai himself feel about this unusual attraction?
So many questions - Will the last part answer them all? :P Please do update soon!
I'm invisible-as-i-run.tumblr.com / www.fanfiction.net/~aquariusgaluxy!
no subject
The final chapter is up now, I'm so sorry I didn't get back to the comments until now, but thank you again for being patient!
And, oh gosh, I hope the last chapter answers some of your questions too! I'm so sorry for things left unanswered, but do please feel free to ask me questions in the comments there and I will be happy to answer them <3
no subject
(Anonymous) 2015-07-06 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)Congrats on finishing the fic!!
-AG
scores
(Anonymous) 2015-06-29 05:59 pm (UTC)(link)What a truly amazing interpretation of the prompt this was! Fai pretty much changed his sleep pattern to have a nightlife. Wow A+ originality
10 out of 10
2. How well written was the fic? (1-10)
This was written quite well, I especially enjoyed how you had the characters express so much through their movements. You write really great flustered people.
10 for 10
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (1-10
I enjoyed this fic a lot-a lot! Can not wait for this fic to be completed. You have created something quite wonderful here and I cannot fathom how you are to finish it up with one more chapter? I have so many questions but I cannot wait until you upload!
Thanks for the great read 10 for 10
a link to prove I am real: http://winblossomwin.tumblr.com/
Re: scores
I just posted the final chapter, I dearly hope it continues to deliver for you. Thank you for voting, and ahhh, thank you for reading!!!
no subject
How well did this fic fit the prompt? 9.5
You came up with a completely unique view on the prompt that worked on multiple levels. Kurogane and Fai only reacting at night, Kurogane being a unique type of 'life', and how the dawn breaks at the end finally bringing Kurogane's everlasting night to an end. It was both incredibly clever and beautifully symbolic.
How well written was the fic? 9.5
You did a stunning job. Everything, even the time skips, flowed well. Your writing was beautifully descriptive and I really felt kinship with the characters. The only thing I was a bit confused with is how you seemed to stress the 'incident' with Fai and Yuui at the beginning but never really gave it more significance (other than the beast). Perhaps it is a side story, or was intentionally left as a slight mention to make the story flow better, but I would have liked to know a bit more about Yuui's death and the dimensional rift.
How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9
I love how clever your writing is. Fai trapping Kurogane in the maze was probably one of my favorite parts (aside from the very symbolic ending). I loved how you were able to bring forth so much of Kurogane's past in sometimes rather subtle manners but still be able to tell the reader so much. As I mentioned in the last section, I would certainly like to know a bit more so will happily welcome additional writings. Even simply adding an epilogue, though I don't want to ruin your wonderful ending. I would love to know what comes of their relationship now that Kurogane has new life, what was actually tugged from Fai, and where the heck Kyle's soul went...if you are up for it.
no subject
I did leave the accident mostly untold here, you're right. I'd like to revisit it, too! But I needed it to provide poor Fai with trauma and get him out to Clow, so I didn't spend much story time on it.
A future follow-up is definitely not out of the question! I left a lot open-ended, partially just in case I do try to do a sequel, and partially because I didn't *have* to explain everything to wrap this one up and I needed to get it finished already. DX
I *proooobably* won't do a straight-up epilogue here at least. For a couple reasons again - mostly it was already hard enough trying to figure out how exactly to end this one adequately. XD
But, oh wows, thank you again SO MUCH for your lovely comments!!
no subject
2. How well written was the fic? 9
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9
This is an amazing, unexpected interpretation of the prompt; so creative and so clever! And it incorporates the genre seamlessly, too. I love that the prompt remained so central throughout; your concept of 'Nightlife' has such emotional resonance. I just sighed out this really long 'ohhhhh' when I realised the last scene of the fic was Kurogane's night life ending with the rising sun. It was such a fitting place for the story to end (and also symbolic of their new life together beginning, I'm so emotional). The one thing that hampered the ending for me was that I couldn't believe the rest of the town had slept through that epic fight; I expected there to be a very confused crowd waiting for them outside the apothecary.
I loved that Kurogane's strongest tie to his long-ago life was Tomoyo. Kurogane's last moments were both incredibly badass and HEARTBREAKING, oh my god why would you do that. I also loved that the gameboard Fai worked so hard on for Kurogane was brought back as the only weapon Kurogane could use to save Fai; that was a great moment.
The lack of focus on the incident that killed Yuui and got Fai exiled of course made it easier to focus on the prompt, but I would have liked to see that expanded on a little more - especially as the parasite turned out to be so important. The only plot thread that's left loose is the mystery of what happened to Tomoyo, and why there are no records of her. That, and the implication that Kyle is still alive somewhere, makes me think there's potential for a sequel here! (I know, I'm shameless. Sixteen new fics for my ship and I still want more!) Thank you for writing this; it was a lovely read.
no subject
/basically swooning too hard to reply
Haha, a confused crowd of onlookers would have been pretty fun too! But this way they got a moment of quiet after everything. And I would dearly love to come back to this with a follow-up fic, too! I'll definitely be pondering on how to structure a sequel. It could definitely happen!